When they say there’s “no free lunch”, they’re shitting you. I eat lunch at no cost to myself every day I go into the office, because it’s catered for everyone who’s working there.

Now, I don’t mean to bite the hand that feeds me, but I feel that today’s menu requires some mention:

• Pad Thai with Tofu
• Chicken Pot Stickers
• Jasmine Rice
• Vegetable Egg Rolls (mini)
• Crab Rangoon
• Spicy Basil Chicken
• Green Curry Beef

I *love* Thai food, so I was thrilled to see all of these items on the menu. Unfortunately, the menu was misprinted; the items did not taste as advertised. So I’m submitting the following revised menu:

• Overcooked Fettucine Noodles with Undercooked Tofu and Lime Glaze
• The Objects Formerly Known As Pot Stickers (until the heat lamps got to them)
• The White Stuff That Smells Like Old Tea
• Unrecognizable Vegetable Paste Egg Rolls (mini)
• Mucus Rangoon
• Bland, Dry, Chicken-like Substance in Basil Broth
• This Looks So Awful You Won’t Try it

So, there’s *definitely* a free lunch. You’ll just go to Potbelly’s anyway.