Amidst the deluge of those around me being forced by better judgment to avoid saying things on semi-permanent google-cacheable forums such as these, I felt that I needed to celebrate my relative freedom to say things online, to exercise my freedom of speech and of the digital press. Yay rah rah First Amendment (it was originally the Third of Twelve, but they whittled it down to ten because politics works like that), it’s time to post to my blog.

Maybe a bit about the software I’ve been writing.
(Yeah! That’d be interesting to all of three people in the universe, two of whom are headhunters. The third just thinks it’s cool because he *games*.)

Okay, how about something about that cute thing Ickle B did the other day…
(He’s a kid. Of *course* he does cute stuff, that’s how kids keep you from throwing them out the window when they ask you for some horrifically complicated meal and then refuse to eat it.)

All right, all right, something political. Maybe about the effect of the likely Supreme Court nominee–
(YOU don’t even want to read about that. Why force it on everyone else?)

Ahem. Perhaps a few words about getting married…
(They beat you to it. And they have a bigger advertising budget.)

And it finally clicked: My blog is dull. Really dull. It’s not because I have nothing to say; au contraire, I could fill this measly database with phrases, sentences — even whole paragraphs of tedium. It’s the simple truth that although my life is exceedingly interesting to me (mainly because I have to finance it), it’s not something I’m going to write about with any sense of passion or urgency (unless I have to pee) on a weblog.

As of now, I bet you’ve got me wrong. (I miss Alice in Chains.) You might be thinking, “Well, that’s great and all, but I’ve been reading this whole time now…are you going to just quit?”

Heavens, no! I will embrace the dullness. The tedium shall be my hallmark! The mundanity of existence is the core value I shall strive to share with the masses in this endless digital forum! Indeed, in this one shining moment, the pure pointlessness of everything of which I write will be washed anew (or something like that) and the phoenix of this blog shall rise from the ashes. Pure Tedium Titillations await! There is euphoria in other people being more boring than yourself, and I shall strive to be the most boring of all! The Boredom Bandit strikes again; the grand opening of the Yawn Capades is upon us!

The excitement is building…the chase is on. To find the ultimate boredom, to boldly go where no blog has gone before (save a few hundred thousand of them, maybe, but we’ll just let those go. My blog, after all.), to actually suck the excitement from other blogs throughout the Internet as power for the Boredom Brigade!

It’s air conditioned in here. 71 degrees. I’m typing. There’s a cat here. He’s orange. He meows. Later on, he’ll probably take a crap in a box, and I’ll clean it up, or maybe my fiancee will. I’ll probably go to work tomorrow. Maybe eat some breakfast. Some coffee. Ride a train. Read a book. Sit at a computer for 9 hours.

God, this blog is dull.